What Have You Done For You Lately?

-----
Quite a bit more than usual actually!

• Been taking more walks in the sun to get the benefits of some awesome natural vitamin D. Took Ruger and Sunny to the lake with us this evening. They wore out quicker than we did, especially Sunny.
• Started taking Krill Oil.
• Back on the Melatonin. In about 6 weeks I'm going to cut my Ambien dosage in half and see if I can't get weened off it. I've been on it for over 4 years from when I started taking Lamictal as a mood stabilizer for the bipolar.
• Replacing foods with organic alternatives whenever possible. When not possible looking for the product without things like High Fructose Corn Syrup and Hydrogenated (pick your poison) Oil. Did you know organic butter tastes like waaayyyy better than the other stuff? I felt like just eating the stick. Also picked up some grass-fed ground beef when I was at Whole Foods on Saturday. But, from now on my Whole Foods visits will be as late in the evening as I can go. Saturday afternoon crowds completely overwhelmed me.
• Going to the library more to find some new reading material. I'm hoping to do some decent book reviews this coming week.

-----

-----

Disclaimer: I did not write the title of this post. That title is from the article I share at the bottom.

I've been reading a lot of articles on this website about natural health options. Although I am bipolar, truly bipolar, I agree that it has become the disease du jour not only for children, but for adults, as well. At least one person I know acted like they had entered the cool kids' club after their diagnosis. Funny thing is that once their life circumstances changed and stabilized, they don't seem to have the same problem.

My treatment began with a visit to a professional because my life got scary-about-to-be-institutionalized out of control. I was ready to stick myself in a psych ward and tempted to never come out. Looking back, though, I can see that I had been coming to that point for about 4 years before I hit it. There were a lot of heavy, heavy stressors in my life that I wasn't dealing with in a positive manner. I am now more interested in paying attention to what I put in my body and how I treat my body. Never mind the drugs I have been on, the food I have chosen to eat is far from making good choices.

I ate ice cream yesterday to "finish it up" because we had decided not to purchase the type filled with "junk" anymore. As I was eating it, I was very aware that most of the ingredients weren't good for me. I didn't enjoy it as much as I used to. I really don't even want to go buy anymore. My late night snack last night was a spinach salad with fresh mushrooms and a salad dressing that didn't contain HFCS or a base of soy. It was good. Truly tasted good. I added Krill oil to my diet starting today, too.

My "test" to see if the Lamictal is causing the rash is on. We'll see how this goes...so far I am thinking there is a correlation.

On to the article:

How Can a 4000% Increase in Bipolar Disorder Be Possible?

Med Change In My Future?

-----
I have been very blessed for the past four years in that a single medication has kept my bipolar symptoms under control. I take Lamictal, or rather its generic form, Lamotrigine. When my psychiatrist first recommended Lamictal, it truly sounded like a good fit for me. It is weight neutral, very few side effects, and I would not have to have my blood levels checked on a regular basis like I would if I took lithium.

One of the rather nastier side-effects of Lamictal is stevens-johnson syndrome. If you do a search for it on the web, be aware that you may come across some really gross pictures. Anyway, the remotest possibility of a rash or other skin problems causes me to panic in my head. I have to battle the "what ifs" and get them under control. As you can probably guess, I have a rash. I do not believe it is stevens-johnson syndrome, but I am now thinking it is still an allergic reaction to the Lamictal.

At first, I thought it might be related to the dermatitis issues, then I thought it might be related to the new laundry detergent, and I also considered that it is simply this non-stop heat. Last night I saw the pattern for the flare-ups though and so now I'm thinking a med change is in my very near future. The pattern is that the itching is under control, for the most part, during the day. At night, it's so bad I can hardly sleep even with my sleeping medication. Well, at night I also take my Lamictal. I'm going to test my theory tonight and skip tonight's dose and then take the dose first thing in the morning. If it flares up during the day after that dose, I'll have some more "evidence."

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. The challenges will be to find a medication that does not require checking blood levels AND is affordable since I cannot afford medical insurance, at this time. What may happen is that I end up on an anti-psychotic and an anti-depressant.

I had very bad experiences with the anti-depressants Zoloft and Cymbalta. Zoloft made me a sleeping zombie and Cymbalta had me thinking about suicide. Although, they do now believe that giving a bipolar patient an anti-depressant without another stabilizing medication actually worsens, really really worsens, the bipolar. It did for me. I went from happy mania to angry, hateful mania because of that. If I'm going to be manic, I'd much rather spend too much money than yell at my family all day.

As far as the anti-psychotic med classifications, it unnerves me to have to take something called an anti-psychotic. I do not think of myself as psychotic and have no desire to carry that label around.

-----

On the Road to Damascus

-----

Acts 9:1-9


The Message (MSG)


1-2 All this time Saul was breathing down the necks of the Master's disciples, out for the kill. He went to the Chief Priest and got arrest warrants to take to the meeting places in Damascus so that if he found anyone there belonging to the Way, whether men or women, he could arrest them and bring them to Jerusalem.


3-4He set off. When he got to the outskirts of Damascus, he was suddenly dazed by a blinding flash of light. As he fell to the ground, he heard a voice: "Saul, Saul, why are you out to get me?"


5-6He said, "Who are you, Master?"


"I am Jesus, the One you're hunting down. I want you to get up and enter the city. In the city you'll be told what to do next."


7-9His companions stood there dumbstruck—they could hear the sound, but couldn't see anyone—while Saul, picking himself up off the ground, found himself stone-blind. They had to take him by the hand and lead him into Damascus. He continued blind for three days. He ate nothing, drank nothing.

-----

On the road to Damascus - what? What does that phrase mean to me. A bit of the song, by Rich Mullins, keeps floating through my head. All I'm getting is:

On the road to Damascus

-followed by-

I give my life to sing Your praise

Those 2 lines keep repeating over and over. Now, seeing as how a symptom (effect - whatever you want to call it) of my bipolar is getting songs stuck in my head, I choose to be thankful that it's a song that doesn't make me cringe. But, its making me question.

:::off to view lyrics:::

OK. So the summary, to me, is that I can be headed somewhere, somewhere that gives all the appearance that what I do is RIGHT. And in spite of my well-meaning & well-reasoned plans - plans I may even believe are God's will - I can be stripped clean of my own ambitions (ambitions I may have not even realized I had) and faced with the fact that I am naked before God. He sees the truth. And if I love Him enough to let Him correct me, I'll be clothed with His plans, His reasons (should He care to share them), & His goals.

-----

All About Thursday 06.02.11

-----

I am tired. Why I am so tired is a mystery, but I am. Charlie thinks it might be the weather.

We didn't make it to church last night because I had the beginnings of a panic attack on the way out of town. I'm not sure why but bipolar is bipolar. It seemed like it was mostly due to sensory issues, though. I felt like my clothes were going to choke me and that if I entered the auditorium I would be stuck with no way out. Church on the Move has a very loud, vibrant, and exuberant worship and I wasn't in a place where that would be comfortable. Most of the time I'm fine there. So we drove out to see my mother-in-law and Charlie's grandpa and visited with them awhile. I was finally able to bring her the collage I made for her from the pictures I took the day Bee was born. We also took them our coffee because we are not drinking coffee anymore and I had mini-stash going.

Caught up with last night's So You Think You Can Dance episode. Couple things sticking out in my mind:

• The girl who said her father was the real Ringo Starr AND her dad who BELIEVES he is the real Ringo Starr both need help. I don't say that flippantly, either. If she's grown up her whole life with her father making that claim, no wonder she is delusional herself. It was very sad to see.
• Dude who auditioned in next-to-nothing? I think his name was Chase? Wow. Just wow. I couldn't believe the height he reached with his jumps. He needs to be a bit careful of what he says on camera, though. Telling the audience that your ex-fiance cheated on you wasn't a real good topic.
• Krump dancer from New York. Amazing at what he did but being disrespectful to Lil' C and Russell was bad.
• Mary Kate, the Irish Step Dancer, was great and I'm glad she went through to Vegas. I will be surprised if she makes the final 20, though. I didn't think she did that strongly in the choreography round.

Mail day was another good one...

• Product test about which I can say nothing else.
• Downy softener sample

I have to be up early to take Charlie to work, do some menu planning, and go grocery shopping tomorrow. It's going to be a bit busy but productive which is a good thing.

Poor Ruger. His allergies are still in overdrive.

I just started a re-read of Robert Jordan's The Fires of Heaven. I have lost track of how many times I've read this series because as soon as I reach the last book, I just start over with the first book. I'm sure there are other good books out there. Somewhere.

I hope your day was blessed.

-----

I Was Planning On

-----

....having something written on here besides "business" stuff. I want my blog to be about my whole life...not just the bargain hunting mastermind side of me.

I'm the "Mimi" to "Tee" and "Bee". Tee will be 6 in July and Bee was just born last Saturday. I am going to photoshop a picture together of the two of them to put it on my blog. Thanks to hospital regulations, Tee was not allowed to go and visit her new cousin Bee when she was born. They live about an hour and a half from us, so we're going to have to all get together soon so the two girls can be introduced.

What I'm thinking is that I was supposed to be in bed about 3 hours ago. If I don't go to bed, I'm going to be a grumpy Mimi when Poppa wakes me up at 6AM like I asked him to do. I get all caught up in this blog and lose track of time, which is not a good thing. I have bipolar disorder and sometimes balance & order come a little bit hard for me.

I very much look forward to interacting with other people in the blogosphere. From what I have seen, it's a pretty amazing community.

-----